The Ever Volatile Subject of Spaghetti
So, if you are married, do you remember your first fight as a married couple? I’m sure it was over something extremely significant, such as your previously unmentioned new Aunt Margaret who likes to pop over suddenly without notice and who, btw, just uses the key to your home that she possesses. Something big like that.
Surely, the first time you’re arguing with the person to whom you just vowed to unite with in matrimony and be committed to until the day you die would not get a rise out of you over anything as insignificant as, say, spaghetti. :P
Yes, our first big argument was over how to cook spaghetti. More specifically, whether you cook the spaghetti in the pot of boiling water with the lid off for 8-10 minutes, or you turn the heat off, cover the pot, and let the spaghetti cook for 20 minutes.
Right.
I do think there is significance in this tale, though, other than just the “my way is better than yours” story.
First off, we both came into the marriage doing things the way we thought they should be done. I was taught the “turn it off, cover it, and let it cook” method. I was taught this by a working (outside, in addition to inside, the home) mother of three. When I later asked her why she cooked pasta this way, her answer included the thoughts of three kids running around, lots going on, one less thing to have to pay attention to. Quite simply, it was more practical than the other method, and turned out just the same.
My husband, on the other hand, was an only child for most of his childhood (lived with a stepbrother for a few years in there). My husband is very much a “by the book” kind of learner when it comes to things about the house. I’m not sure if he got this from his parents or not, but it was obvious that the instructions on the spaghetti box provided the method by which he was taught to cook it, and this was the right way. The. Right. Way.
There are two morals to this story that I can think of.
1. If you’re not cooking dinner, why do you care how it’s prepared? If someone else is gladly doing the work on her own, go relax and just come when it’s ready. Then tomorrow, when you’re cooking pancakes, she’ll offer you the same courtesy and not stand over you saying, “That’s not how my dad cooked pancakes.”
2. We all come together with our own eccentricities and upbringings. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who had a childhood nearly identical to your own, you might as well marry your brother. (Can I get a collective “Ewwwww”?) Remember that you came into marriage to create a new life and a new family with this person who swept (or knocked) you off your feet, not to just force your upbringing on some poor unsuspecting sod. (Or maybe you did, and then this post is not for you. ;) )
What does that mean? Well, together you create new traditions, discover new “right” ways of doing things, and develop new methods of living to (possibly) pass onto your kids so that they can one day be fighting with the love of their lives over how to cook spaghetti. ;)
POSTED IN: About Us, Resolving Conflict
12 opinions for The Ever Volatile Subject of Spaghetti
Top 5 Reasons to NOT Get Married
May 8, 2007 at 6:07 pm
[…] Someone might question the method by which you cook spaghetti instead of just saying “thank you” and eating […]
b5media - This Month in the Family and Relationships Channel
May 9, 2007 at 8:54 am
[…] at Marriage Actually tearing each other to shreds.. in good nature of course. From the way Cory prepares spaghetti to discussion surrounding what you do that ticks off your spouse. Go join in the fun. For those who […]
Lena
May 9, 2007 at 7:29 pm
This was pretty funny.
I HATE overcooked spaghetti and my hubby always prepares it that way on the rare occassions that he cooks. I never say a word except, “yummy spaghetti!”.
Kate
May 12, 2007 at 2:06 am
My husband is exactly the same way! If it’s not done according to the instructions on the box, it’s wrong. I can’t wait to show him this post.
monstermom
May 12, 2007 at 7:20 pm
i can still remember my first big argument. it s about Pretty Woman film… how i liked it so much n how he hated it…bla bla…
men!
but hubby adores my spaghetti though…
Kerri
May 14, 2007 at 9:01 am
Lena: I’m glad you enjoyed it. It’s a funny story to us, too (now, anyway. :P ). Thanks for commenting. :)
Kate: Hey there, friend. :) I think he’s SO rulesy with the cooking stuff b/c he’s not as comfortable or experienced with it. Not that he doesn’t like his rules in general, anyway. :P
monstermom: Thanks for commenting here. :) I remember seeing Pretty Woman in the theater, maybe a year or two younger than I should have! But I do like that movie. Ages since I’ve seen it, though. Cory and I did get lucky there in that we have similar tastes in films. Makes going to the video store fairly painless!
GetSheila
May 16, 2007 at 2:07 pm
First fight: “That’s not how my mom makes it.”
Sheila
Divorcee
Kerri
May 16, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Sheila: It wasn’t over spaghetti, was it? That would be weird. I do wonder how many of my particularities that I do for no particular reasons will cause the arguments of my kids and their future spouses. :P
I’m Not Good at Sharing
May 19, 2007 at 10:21 pm
[…] We are using the Square Foot Gardening method, and we have two 4′ x 4′ beds. One bed was still unplanted at the start of the day… not counting the weeds that had sprung up. Kerri starts tending to the weeds and at one point asks, “Can I walk in the bed to reach those weeds in the middle?” For those of you not familiar with Square Foot Gardening, one of the keys to the method is don’t walk in your beds. It compacts the soil hurting your harvest. It’s in the book, and you already know I’m a by the book kind of guy. […]
Grace
Jul 16, 2007 at 12:55 pm
haha! our first argument was something very significant, actually. It was over the color black, and kitchen cupboard liners…. he wanted to buy black kitchen cupboard liners and I would have none of it. Especially since all the furniture we had at that time that I inherited from his bachelor pad were all in metallic black. Can’t the kitchen liners be at least pink, flowery and feminine?
:-) First of many instances we find that we are from opposite ends of a spectrum.
Carnival of Family Life at Write from Karen
Aug 7, 2007 at 10:48 pm
[…] not the only ones who engage regularly in such high brow conversations. You do remember the spaghetti story, […]
Leaving Home
Aug 20, 2007 at 8:58 pm
[…] marriage to be successful, it is essential that each partner in that marriage leave home! Remember that first fight Kerri and I had? All part of growing up and leaving […]
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